i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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