I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
