i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
