I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
