last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
