Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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