lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
