end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize