it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize