Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
