on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had to cum in my sink.
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