I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
