i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
