We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
