just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
