shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
