your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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