No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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