I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
