Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
