I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
