I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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