my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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