It's Friday. Sex?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
