Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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