ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
