Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think people are normalizing furries
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
