I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
