i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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