If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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