Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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