I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
