Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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