I will die if light touches me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
