Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
