Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
