you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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