M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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