There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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