she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
