it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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