So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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