I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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