Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize