So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
