alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
third nipple confirmed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
