How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
