the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
