So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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