so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
