great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
