This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
