so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will be naked everywhere
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
jump out the window naked night went bad
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
