i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
