Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
