is your mom at the bar?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
