his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
