....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Vodka?
Forever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
