Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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