I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
