Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
