Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
