So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
