My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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