remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
