I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
