No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
