You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
