ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
