i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we made out on top of his cat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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