whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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