Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
