I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
