So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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