dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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