And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she told me i tasted like america
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
