She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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