Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
