so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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