Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
